coping with substance

abuse in your family?

substance abuse in your family > adults > visits home > antonio

WHAT WE TOLD ANTONIO

Dear Antonio:

Whenever you first come home after being away, there is always going to be a natural period of adjustment for both you and your family.

As you are becoming more independent, you are learning how to be an individual separate from your family. This is hard work, but it allows you to learn new attitudes, feelings and ways of forming relationships. But it might make you feel a little frustrated that your family is not changing and maturing along with you. Don’t preach or judge them. You will not win any points from them by talking about how wonderful life is now that you are free from them.

At the same time, keep your eyes open for subtle ways your family may have changed since you left home. Take time to read the changes and don’t rush in with your new ideas about how and why things should be different. For example, younger siblings you cared for at home may not be taking on the adult responsibilities you left. Be sensitive to their feelings, since they are still dealing daily with a substance abusing parent.

You can keep most tensions to a minimum by doing more listening than talking while you are at home. If necessary, detach yourself from the attitudes and think you no longer share. You cannot change the way your family members think or behave, you can only change the way you respond to them.