GETTING SUPPORT

While you can't make a substance abuser get help, you can do a lot to promote peace and healing within your immediate family.   As best you can, try to:

Take care of yourself.  With all your responsibilities, and the disruption in your family life, you're under a lot of stress.  You need to take care of yourself - and you have a right to.  Take the time to keep up with your health care, get a little exercise, and relax with friends. You'll feel better and have more to give to the child in your care.   Insist on a regular "quiet hour" in your household, whether it's naptime for infants or stereo (with earphones) for teens.

Figure out what you can do to feel less stressed - is it exercise? reading a book to escape? writing in a journal at night? talking on the phone to a friend?  Think about what works for you, and try to make it a regular part of your life.

Focus on the child, not the parent.  The substance abusing parent is on his or her own path now, but the child is with you.  Put your energies into helping that child to grow in health and strength.  As much as you can, put the past behind you, and focus on the child who needs you today.

Look to the future.  Whatever happened in the past, the child in your care brings a chance to build a better future.  Whether the child stays with you for a short time or a long one, your influence can and will last forever.  You have a chance to help this child grow into a healthy, drug-free adult, both by your actions and by what you teach. 

Join a support group.  Your life has been strongly affected - one might even say turned upside down - by the choices and actions of a substance abuser.   Your community may offer a support group for kinship caregivers - others like yourself who are taking care of a relative.  Support groups are a place where you can talk about what has happened with others who have been through it too.  You can learn about resources from other members, or just find a safe place to talk, vent, and even cry.   People who attend support groups say that they are enormously helpful and important.  One way in finding a support group in your area is by contacting 

Grand Parent Again. Grand Parent Again is a great resource that provides a state listing of various groups that are held.  Or you can check with a local family service agency, mental health center, church, or the AARP to find a group near you.

You may also find it helpful to attend a support group for people related to or affected by a person who abuses alcohol or other drugs.  There are thousands such groups nationwide, most affiliated with the worldwide network of Al-Anon Family Groups.   Because substance abuse disrupts so many families, chances are you'll find at least a few others at a local Al-Anon group who are raising, or have raised, the children of substance abusers.

Get other family and friends to help out.  Your spouse, children, or neighbors might be able to give you a much-needed break by taking the children out to a playground for an hour or two, or can help shuttling a child to appointments.  Some different types of help include:

• Chores – cooking, cleaning, fixing, doing errands, transporting children to activities

• Child care – babysitting, helping out on shopping trips, staying home when the child is sick

• Physical comfort – back rubs, foot rubs, hand massages

• Financial support – making sure that the bills are paid

• School interactions – talking with teachers, guidance counselors, and other school staff about the children

• Dealing with social service agencies – including foster care, drug treatment facilities, child welfare, and other family service organizations