coping with substance

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substance abuse in your family > caregivers > dealing with the substance abusing parent > setting up house rules

SETTING UP HOUSE RULES

If you have regular contact with a substance abuser, you will probably need to lay out some house rules upfront. As the "head of household," you should be able to set forth what goes and what doesn’t in your house. Follow these simple steps to establish some house rules:

Write out a list of rules. Keep them simple, but cover the basics. You might want to include the following:

Who is allowed in your home

No drugs can be left at all accessible to a child (alcohol, methadone, prescription medicine, illegal drugs)

Hours/duration of visit (such as no visits after 10 PM)

Use of drugs or alcohol in your home

Requests for money from any family member

No contact with children if intoxicated

No violence or threats of violence

Bring the whole family together to discuss the rules, and modify them if appropriate. Figure out together how the rules will be enforced (such as locking the door with a deadbolt at 10 PM), and what you will do when the rules are broken.
Post the rules, if you want, in a place that everyone can see. This way everyone understands and sees the rules, and fewer arguments will result.
Give a copy of the rules to any social worker or case manager you are dealing with. These rules, and documentation of any infractions can be used in legal hearings.
Make the rules apply to everyone, and ask everyone to abide by them. It is no good telling a bio-parent that he is not allowed to come home high if there are other active substance abusers using in the home.

When the rules are broken
Chances are, your rules will be broken from time to time. This means you will need to mete out consequences, and enforcing rules is never pleasant or easy. But it is important. It lets everyone know that your home is a safe haven, free of drugs.

After you enforce a rule (such as not allowing an intoxicated bio-parent to come into your house on a freezing cold night when she is high), you may feel horrible. It can be helpful after such an event to call a friend, relative, or someone else who knows your situation to explain what happened and to get assurance that you handled it well. This person might also help you think of ways to handle the same situation differently in the future, and can help steel your will if the problem continues and you need to enforce the same rule again.