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substance abuse in your family > children and teens > special stuff for teens > romantic relationships

JOSHUA SAYS: ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

It was nuts! High drama and all that. I had this girlfriend, Melinda, and I really liked her. But I just couldn’t get up the nerve to tell her about my dad and the way he drinks. I figured she wouldn’t have understood, and would just have dumped me. So I avoided bringing her over to my house. We always did everything at her house. After a while, she got suspicious. "Why don’t you ever invite me over?" she’d ask. "Do I embarrass you?" I kept telling her no, but she didn’t believe me. So I invited her over once when my dad was out of town so she met my mom.

Eventually though, she wanted to meet dad too. But it was out of the question. So she began to push harder. But the harder she pushed, the more I avoided. I mean, what could I say? "My dad is a raging alcoholic and sometimes he hits me for no reason. He might say something so outrageous you’d want to move to another state just to make sure you’d never go through that again…" She began to bring up the issue every time we were together, and soon it was just one fight after another.

Finally, I asked my cousin Ian what to do. Ian’s dad used to drink a lot too, and I thought he might have some good advice. Ian actually suggested I trust her and tell Melinda the truth. So I screwed up my nerve and told her. I couldn’t believe how understanding she was. I still haven’t introduced them – who knows what he would say – but she doesn’t pressure me about it any more and I don’t walk around on eggshells when I’m with her.