coping with substance

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working with affected families

for professionals > effects of parental substance abuse > emotional consequences

EMOTIONAL CONSEQUENCES

Mistrust
Parents with an alcohol or drug problem often exhibit unpredictable behavior. For the child, the rules may be constantly changing, according to the amount of alcohol or drugs in the parent’s blood. This lack of consistency can lead to a mistrust of parents (and often other adults).

Wide mood swings within the family also contribute to additional lack of trust. When the parent gives up drinking alcohol, or using drugs there is often a feeling of hope that the problem has been "solved." However, if the parent relapses the disappointment is intense. These experiences often lead children to a distrust of authority figures or adults in general, with an expectation that they will eventually be let down.

Guilt
Instead of understanding the parent’s substance abuse as a disease, the child sees the drinking or drug use as a reaction to bad behavior. Family members may blame each other for "setting off" a drinking episode or angry outburst. Examples of this kind of thought are "If I were a better student, my mother wouldn’t drink" or "If I didn’t make my Dad angry, he would stop using drugs."

Shame
The COA or COSA is often deeply ashamed of the "family secret." She may avoid friendships with other children and feel she cannot invite them to her house, because her parent might be at home drunk or high and embarrass her. Sometimes there is a hierarchy among children of substance abusers which places children of alcoholics above children of drug users, who are above children of IV drug users, who are above children of IV drug users with HIV/AIDS.

Confusion
Substance abuse in the family creates confusion in the child when the family fails to validate either his external or internal reality. For example, a child may observe his mother drinking, becoming intoxicated, and passing out on the kitchen floor, but be told by his father that she is "sick" or "tired." A parent may suffer from alcoholic blackouts (Lapses of memory for events that take place while the individual is intoxicated), and make promises or reveal inappropriate personal information while drinking. Later that same parent is genuinely unaware of what transpired and denies the conversation ever took place.

Ambivalence
Strong positive and negative feelings towards the parent may coexist in the child. For example, a girl may long for approval and love her substance abusing, and simultaneously feel angry and resentful.

Fear
Some children of substance abusers fear that their anger towards the parent could cause him to die, or more realistically, that the parent could die as the result of drinking and driving, other drug-related trauma, or illness.

Insecurity
Low self-esteem, tension, anxiety, depressed feelings, and acting out behavior are often reflections of insecurity due to a difficult home environment.

Conflicts about sexuality
Disruption of normal sexual development can occur if substance abuse interferes with the parent’s ability to nurture and educate the child. For example, the child may be exposed inappropriately to sexual behavior, including in some cases, sexual abuse.